One side of this story

Your side of this story

One side of this story

Your side of this story

That’s how it starts, right there

Telling everybody around you 

What u think is going on

They don’t even know

what the hell is goin’ on 

Cause everybody ain’t for it

When they only hear

And you dont even know 

You dont even want to know

Dont even want to listen

I’m talkin’ about those crap here

I thought there were some misunderstanding

So I tried to make things clear, a long time ago

Then u said you do understand 

But later i found you already told that one sided story to everybody around you

And that’s your side of the story

You make up ur own story

Why dont you tell me what u think is goin’ on

Instead of telling this and that to everybody around you

One side of the story

Your side of the story

One side of the story

Your side of the story

They only hear one side of the story

And that’s your side of the story

You make up your own story

I wonder if they heard my story

That i, who was the one who would always stand beside you when there was nobody around you,

have nothing to do with anything that you and everybody are accusing me of

Why dont you tell me what u think is goin’ on

Instead of telling this and that to everybody around you

That one sided story has me as the villain one.

Jenny cavalleri? Ilsa lund? 

is that what u want me to be? 

Crap.

Why dont we have a talk. U dont have to turn ur back on me then telling this and that to everybody around you.

What’s the point on that? am i an object of ur anger-release?  

i have no intention to play on your game. Sincerely.

Many things happened recently. Good things shit things. Well life still happens after all.

Here, There, This, That, Past and Present.

This is one of the fraction,

Past. I accept. I walk. I work. I smile. I laugh. Met. I mourn. I curse. Past, I let it pass. Dont get mad lets get even, i thought. I walk. I work. I smile. I laugh. Then I feel. I sway. Afraid. I walk away. I regret. I muse. I try. I apologize. Too late. I try. I muse. Have no idea. Those mishaps I bubble wrap. I hide. I walk.

“Those emotion matter is an absurd things, I think. Because of its relativity. So, In the name of savety I learned to give no trust on it. That’s why I always stick on the superficial things. In order to feel nothing. To be focus. To be able to walk on that so-called-right-track. It was fun. Really. But once I felt you, I find it hard to keep it fun. At those murky time I made mistakes. Then I learned to accept and digest those emotion. But it was too late.”

Oh god. Look at those lame-moronic-pathetic-self-defense. Silly isn’t it? I named it as a self defense, but actually it is not. It’s merely an excuse for a complexity.

Is there anyone out there having some symptoms like mine? Lets get rid those kind of moronic complexity as soon as we can. It brings us no good, really. :)

Well, eventually a no-good-main-effect of those moronic thought and act was workin’ well. Because of it I once became a liar. Lied to myself. Lied to you. Did a lots of ridiculous thing. And caused damages. Tsk

“What the hell is she doin’ now?”

Did that words ever cross ur mind? I’m sure it did. Even me, myself, have asked that question more than hundred times. Those sensoric, perceptive, and motoric function of mine didn’t work in sync. Those so-called-silly-well built-emotion-paradigm of mine proved to be harmful.

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this crap back then?”

Same question. Did that words ever cross ur mind? 

Well, there were a time when i thought i have to tell you all of those crap.

Because somehow i wanted to make everything as simple as it used to be.

But at one point when it seems that you were slowly getting back to the old you, i changed my mind.

I thought maybe it’s better to left everything untold. Because i was afraid of myself. Afraid to make another silliness that will -maybe- make things more complicated. It feels good enough to see the old you. 

Tsk. See those excuses? After all, an excuses will always be right there when u need it, right? hha. Those excuses that i have wrote in here, i named it as another manifestation of my moronic thought.  

To lose one of the most precious person. I’m regretting it

But I learned lots. After all.

Sincerity. Value. Cherish. Regret. And. Simplicity.

Lost some gain some. After all that’s the cycle.

Let’s be good. May happiness be upon us and you, especially. Cheers :)

Iron desk. Old book. Dust. Stranger. Too bored, i drew somethin’.

Then i remember the time when i was working on my sketch then you patted my head, told me that they are beautiful. 

Then i remember the first time we met, when i gave you those glass plates. You called out my name right away, told me that you’ve known me for a long time. But with those bright smile I didnt even dare to think of you as a freakish. Ha

Then I remember the time when we used to call out each other’s name from the front gate. The time when i used to make a prank call from outside your room while you were working on your paper. The time when we used to play on that field. The time when i used to ring my red bike’s bell when i see you from afar. We were 18th but acted like 10th. I thought we were mental. Ha

Then I remember the time when we used to walk down the street in the middle of the night. Those steps. Those stories. Those laughter. 

Then i remember those things that happened for this past two years. Those memories has change. We’ve became a stranger. 

Then I remember that day. It’s been a long time. We used to walk away from each other. On that day i was planning to get away as usual. But things wasnt go as usual. 

You:

“Where have you been”

“What are you up to?”

“How’s home?”

“Why dont you come yesterday?”

blablabla

….

Me:

“I’m not goin’ anywhere far. It’s me who have to ask. Where have you been?”

“I’m working on my research now” 

“Home’s good”

“Couldnt make it. have something to be done”

blablabla

…

I thought i was faking everything. Smile. Laughter. But later i realize that i wasn’t.

The urge to slap myself was hard to resist.

Im cursing when walk away yet still cursing when we met. 

Walk away is bad for mental health. And so it is with the present case.

..

I always think that life stories change over time because memory is notoriously unstable. Maybe those days were not that great. Maybe those days were merely a days. Maybe we were good and that’s it.

Anyway. I dont give a shit for that. I think i miss my old friend. 

After nite. scrolling down. stop scrolling. click yours.

Scrolling down. stop scrolling. :)

You were the precious. and still.

After all life happens sih ya.

We were good. we will be good.

Ah si gelo besok lusa sidang what the hell am i doing :’)

Ah. by the way. cerita lain. I miss you so much Gege. Sampai beberapa bulan kedepan i will be good. for the better kan ya. Dan semua hutang cerita hutang moril hutang hati akan gue cicil satu-satu. Before the departure i’ll make it clean. all of them. 

See you soon!! Yuhuuuuuu :’)

Jadwal lab skil dan tutorial 

http://www.4shared.com/file/hTNEnrwL/jadwal_akademik_GIS_for_Studen.html?

“Always end up fall back into the same patterns. Was trying to control it but end up suppressing it. The result was bad. Now? Still trying to make it right. Not really fond of it. How long will it last?”

What is ‘it’ referring to?

P.S: SEROTONINE!!! Hug!!!

Art of cooking: Penyaluran emosi via potong bawang. iris tipis. geprek. then the onion tears came out. No one will try to stop or even ask you. Why? because the onion is indeed sting your eyes.

 

it happens many times. after effect:

just have to pay more attention to details next time. rite?

This time the after effect last longer than usual